dr spankenstein

From the studio that brought you such homo-porn monster classics as Cum-sucking Vampires and Nightmare Attack of the WereBears comes director José Vasquez’s most accomplished work: Spankenstein. This 1970s classic has been digitally remastered and dubbed into English from the original Spanish for your viewing pleasure.

With the death of Johnnie Romeiro, one of gay porn’s true gods, famous for his gorgeously fine body and bubble buttocks, his eagerly adventurous stage performances and not to mention an 11 inch member, the news that his MGB Roadster convertible had careened off a sea-side cliff during the filming of his latest film sent the gay-world into morning. Rainbow flags everywhere flew at half-mast with the gay ambassador to the United Nations declaring an international day of morning.

Meanwhile in Romeiro’s home town the bookish but nonetheless beautiful gay-scientist Dr Augusto Spankenstein renown for his unorthodox methods channelled his grief into his work: bringing Johnnie Romeiro back to life. Midnight: making his way through the impeccably maintained gay quarter of the town’s cemetery passing headstones shaped like Mae West’s lips and stately stone phalluses that stand erect like Egyptian obelisks, Spankenstein located the dead star’s grave below a majestic bronze statue of a rather well endowed angel and began to dig.

Back at his laboratory Spankenstein got to work. What hadn’t been widely reported in the papers was that Romeiro had lost a leg and his right hand in the crash but with contacts in the Sacred Heart of the Screaming Queen, a local hospital the Doctor was able to locate the replacement parts and using the latest in mad-scientist diodes and electrodes, the power of lightening and the gravitational pull of the planet, Spankenstein made Romeiro whole and brought him back to life.

What Spankenstein didn’t know at the time was that this second-hand right hand was once the property of a rather stern Headmaster of a particular stern private boys high school and after an immensely passionate encounter with his creation Spankenstein finds that the hand remembers only too well its former role in the administering of punishment. Buttocks red and raw his creation abandons him to wreak horrible spanking destruction upon the world.

Will his Spankenstein’s monster be his downfall?*

Spankenstein is out now through Halcón.

*Academic note: Spankenstein is largely seen as an allegory for Vasquez’s struggle with his own sexuality, which by this time had come into conflict with his traditional Catholic upbringing. After rediscovering God some time after the films release Vasquez denied having ever made this or any other of his films.

my own private apocalypse

As you’ve probably guessed I have a fascination with things religious. Some have labelled it a sick obsession, suggesting that a hobby of collecting flyers that certain Christian groups hand out at the corner of Burke and Swanston in the city was a strange thing to have. “Heaven: The Club of Clubs” says a glossy coloured business-card I was handed sometime back. Picturing Jesus in a leather trench-coat, wearing dark-glasses it says “Free Entry: If you know the bouncer.” Corker that one I must say… especially when Bouncer Jesus actually looks like the un-dead Rasputin. Life’s like a nightclub the card continues as “we all run with crowd”, convinced that “lies, lust, homosexuality, hate, etc are O.K…”; loving the oh so casual etcetera. But then Heaven is also like a nightclub; you don’t get in unless you’re invited. And suffice to say Hell it ain't no party.

The motivation for all this I guess is a curiosity, a wish to sense the transcendal, touch the eternal and feel as though I was part of something bigger than myself. But I have a problem, call if a handicap if you will but I simply cannot believe. A guy I met at church one time, engaged in an argument asked me: “how can you not believe?” Acting as though I was denying myself sensations that were almost certainly there. I was taken aback, totally agape. What do you mean how can I not believe? How can you believe!?! How can you go around preaching and judging others, so certain in yourself that your belief isn't anything more than consoling yourself with the ultimate fact that you’re going to die?

Part of me wants to believe yet I think god is man-made and angels are nothing more to me than homo-erotic fantasies. All this considered what religion could possibly suit me?

I found a quiz on the internet the other day. It is supposed to determine the religion best suited to you. I was kind of hoping I’d get something out of left field, something that would take some accomodating in my life, it'd make me more disciplined like with Islam or make me more fun at parties like say Voodoo. But alas my suggested spiritual path the Belief-o-matic tells me I “scored as agosticism.” Well that cleared it all up for me: the perfect religion for me is some wishy-washy non-belief. Christ!

I could also be a Buddhist.

Link:

belief-o-matic

neuro-seismology

A guy a know from work suffered a pre-stroke on Friday. I am not really a medical-knowing kinda guy but it seems to me that a pre-stroke is somewhat analogous to tremor in the ground before an earthquake. He woke up on Friday night, drooling uncontrolably and as things further deteriorated he lost the ability to speak and found using his hands increasingly difficult. As I listened his description on the phone I imagined myself gripped in the fear as my body stopped working knowing I was going to die. I made the frantic push in any direction to stay alive. He told me that had is legs not worked he would have been majorly fucked (pardon my french). As it stood he was able to get help and his family got him to a hospital but he was told by our lords of science the doctors that had the stroke hit him in the right side, the other side of his brain it might have stopped his heart. And that this little tremor was the harbinger, the herald of a stroke that would most certainly end his life.

He's now on medication to try and prevent this from happening.

I sent him a "get well soon" card today but because he's a contractor my work won't do anything official.

dinosaur adventure land

Planning your next holiday? Do yourself a favour and swing by Pensacola Florida where you'll find Dinosaur Adventure Land, the latest addition to the must-see American theme-park experience. A place where good decent law-abiding folk can come and learn the truth about Earth's History. The website promises "fun for all ages" and indeed Dinosaur Adventure Land is "one of the most amazing Creation Parks in the world." Challange yourself, your mind and your eternal soul to have some fun, some fun at Dinosaur Adventure Land.

"You can believe that you came from a rock, or you can believe that a loving God created you for a purpose."

We are told at school and by the media that by the time mankind had left the trees the dinosaurs had been dead 60 million years. That some catastrophe wiped them out because they could not evolve to suit the changing environment. Evolution they tell us answers everthing. Yet there is nothing, a media blackout, conspiracy of silence, about the indisputable and undeniable flaws of this theory. While evolutionists can show in a laboratory that mutation of viruses can mutate and thus evolve on a microevolutionist level (or what we call biblically non-threatening science) there is no evidence to support evolution on a larger level: what is called macroevolution or abiogenesis (or how we evolved from dirty monkeys). The later requires the earth to be very old indeed. So much we are told as truths are merely theories based in guess work. To maintain objectivity we must remember to keep and an open mind and question those things we are told to accept as truths. This is what true science and is all about.

There are some very important questions that beg asking. When did the the dinosaurs really die out? Did they perhaps live alongside in harmony with mankind not so long ago? Could they even be alive today?

The Bible has a lot of things to say about dinosaurs. It even mentions them directly on multiple occasions. For instance Job refers to a creature not unlike the brachiosaurus. Could the behemoth really be a dinosaur?

"(15)Behold now behemoth which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox. (16) Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force hs force is in th navel of his belly. (17)He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together."

Think for yourself but the answer is yes. Of course it is, it cannot be denied and is actually true. Dinosaurs were actually created by God to live with man in the garden of Eden in harmony. Haven't you seen the Flinstones? Fred had a pet dinosaur and what's more he worked with dinosaurs every day at work. They were the God-ordained tools of his trade. There was even an episode where a pterydactl was used to carve a "photo" from inside a little box. Truely amazing.

Geologists and paleontologists do not readily accept that fossilisation can happen in less than a second and those who do, who support this snap fossilisation hypothosis are shouted down and harrassed. At Dinosaur Adventure Land we learn how to challenge and conquer such irrational evolutionist dogma with the warm and loving hand of truth, where we learn that the mass extinction of life on earth seen in rock formations may not have been caused by a meteorite but is probably evidence of a massive global flood.

Maybe dinosaurs are still around. Ever heard of the loch ness monster? Well then... case and point.

During the thousand year reign of Christ we will live again with our dinosaur bretheren but until then Dinosaur Adventure Land will have to do. Go to Dinosaur Adventure Land because it is fun for the whole family.

Links:
http://www.dinosauradventureland.com/

The Bible

every man is an island

Maybe you're right that this is the ineveitable come-down, the crash we were all expecting from the MDMA I took on New Years eve. "You feel as though the world is going to end," someone told me but then I feel this whenever the neuro-chems in my head or whatever the fuck down turns my mood into black holes of bad goth poetry, so to say this isn't a new or remarkable experience is an understatement. So fuck it all. We all live and die alone.

To bring this all into my bad goth conclusion: Tristan da Cunha is the most isolated (inhabited) island in the world being 2800 kms from landfall in South Africa and it is through this poorly explored alegory that I make this tired late night comment on the human condition... and here's a link to a related website:

http://www.sthelena.se/tristan/tristan.htm

In this seeming isolation (at least according to this website) the inhabitants thrived. In 1961 a volcanic eruption forced the entire population to relocate temporarily. When the all clear was given, the website writes, "Almost all chose to return to the island" two years later resisting the temptations of "civilisation" and thus the fair citizens of Tristan da Cunha went onto live happily ever after. They say that "The Union Jack flies over the houses, and the hearts of the islanders are as warm and generous as they have always been." We are all alone... but it ain't all bad. What a crazed mess it all be if we couldn't retain some sense of indivuality.

Enough of the glib statements. Fuck off.