"What do mean?" I asked him.
"Just go listen to him and you'll understand," he told me and I did.
Watching an interview from American television on youtube, Rufus explained how he had been living in Berlin with his boyfriend recording his new album. He spoke with a slight but noticible, well I guess you could call it a "gay lisp", wouldn't you? He sounded gay.
I was reminded of a book I read while I was at University called Jewish Self-hatred by Sander Gilman. It was all about how European Jews, pre-holocaust, that were attempting to assimilate into a wider Gentile and generally anti-semitic European society. They disavowed themselves of anything Jewish, the mannerisms, the traditions, in the hope of being accepted, while at the same time criticising and even attacking such behaviour in others, labelling them the bad Jews. The thing is however, the reason why anti-semitic Europe reviled the Jews was not about how they acted, but the very fact they were Jewish. No matter how much they acted Gentile-like they would never be accepted and their future was to be like all those flamboyant and unrepentant Jews: the gas chambers of Nazi Germany.
Thinking about it, there is a similar mindset within the gay community. You can be straight-acting or camp, a good homosexual or a bad one. Dating websites are replete with references to acting straight and being indistinguishable from our straight brethren (something it seems that is both important and desirable) except for the simple fact that we like to suck cock of course. A small difference, yes? The point however, is that the reason why we are so disapproved of, feared and hated has nothing to do with a lisp or a limp wrist, it has all to do with sucking cock and taking it (or giving it) up the arse. Sure acting camp makes you more open to homophobic abuse, but since when has a victim ever been to blame for the violence of others, whether it be in word or action?
What does it matter how a person talks? I ask you. What is important, to steal from the Reverend Martin Luther Jr, is the content of a person's heart and not the limpness of their wrist. Straight-acting as a term seems loaded with self loathing, why should anyone act? While wider society may ridicule the effeminate man, it is only a symptom of a deeper unease. To say there are good gays and bad gays is a chimera; there is one thing homophobes and I agree upon and that is that they fear/hate what we do in bed not our haircut or the way we walk and talk.
6 comments:
hmm i disagree, from growing up in the country i can tell you that a lot of the hatred does come from the way stereotypical gay men carry themselves, ie. that they are not masculine in appearance.
but to go back to rufus.. i never said i stopped listening to him because i discovered he was mega camp - i did say i no longer found him attractive when i discovered he was mega camp. on a musical level i prefer his earlier stuff and not so much the theatrical stuff you are into. but yeah i heard his newest album at work and it sounded kinda cool but i'd kind of just forgotten to go back to it.
"straight acting" is of course a stupid term that should maybe be replaced by "masculine". i don't think it's that hard to understand how someone can be attracted to a masculine guy but not a guy who's camp. it's just taste. how does that make a gay guy self hating? you can't for a second tell me that i'm forcing a particular pattern of speech or way of carrying myself in order to assimilate with straight guys. i just talk the way i've always talked, sometimes people think i'm from new zealand?!
anyway, so i read your blog. :P
Hmm, I disagree with the last comment.
On numerous occasions whenever discussion turns to an individual, be they an artist/celebrity/random, that may not be "straight acting", you have a need to point this fact out and make it clear you only like guys that are "masculine". While making a look on your face that can only be described as revulsion. There have even been times when you have disassociated yourself from people because of their unacceptable behavior. So much so that it was clear Graeme was referring to you in his original post without having to mention you by name. Maybe revulsion is too strong a word but the look does contain a mixture of disapproval, condescension and embarrassment.
Not meaning to single you out, this kind of behavior is found everywhere. Whether this is self hating or as you say "just taste" it's disappointing nonetheless. Pointing out every Muslim in the street is not acceptable in society, so why is pointing out every "mega camp". Especially from someone who is gay himself. The fact that you are attracted to masculine guys is not at issue, it's the way you make it know you feel they are an embarrassment to the gay community, and your desire to distance yourself from it so you don't feel like (or people to confuse you for) one of them.
I don't mean to chastise you, I just want you to be aware this behavior can be hurtful.
hmm.. graeme asked me why i wasn't attracted to rufus wainwright and i told him why.
i'm not sure what situation you are talking about when you say i disassociated myself from someone because of their unacceptable behavior. hopefully it wasn't simply because of someone being a bit feminine because i'd like to think i've moved on from that.
anyway i don't distance myself from the gay community because camp guys embarrass me. i distance myself from it because it doesn't cater to me at all and there's little about it i can relate to.
do i think camp guys are an embarrassment to the gay community? maybe sometimes. how is wider society every going to take gay people seriously if our main representation is the flamboyant guy in pink short shorts dancing on a float at mardis gras?
"...the reason why we are so disapproved of, feared and hated has nothing to do with a lisp or a limp wrist, it has all to do with sucking cock and taking it (or giving it) up the arse"
I've known a good number of ladies who are quite partial to both of the above activities, and no one fears or hates them.
I actually felt kinda bad about this blog entry and asked darren if he would like me to take it down. He vigorously said no. He said he liked it and although I portrayed him a little negatively, he told me he liked how it had stimulated discussion although he took some umbrage to the title, which I meant as a play on the Sander Gilman title, I can see how it could be seen as personally offensive and for that I apologise.
Nonetheless, I stand by what I said. Whether you replace "straight-acting" with "masculine" you are still prescribing how someone should and shouldn't act and I am uneasy with the fact that you are embarrassed by it. I think you are defining how a man should act based on a sense of what a man should be as seen through very traditional goggles and at the heart of this sentiment is that a man should not appear gay.
In your second comment you talk about the wider community taking us seriously and I guess this is where Gilman comes in. You are judging "camp" men based on a promised level of acceptance that you believe we can achieve if only we tone down the act a little. Is it an act though? If you say you're not pretending to be masculine (whatever that means), why would you ask someone else to change how they are?
Now let's tie it up with one of those Jerry Springer endings: I honestly think if there is anything we, as part of the gay community (especially the men), have to feel embarrassed about, it is not the men in tight hot pants singing to Kylie but the hugh surge in STIs in Victoria amongst gay men, namely HIV and syphilis. I find it deeply worrying that barebacking (men having unprotected anal sex) is developing inself into a sub-culture within the community on the level of bears and leather men etc.... so with those last thoughts, take care of yourself and each other.
Wow! Camp/Butch Smackdown 2009!!!
I've gotta start reading blogs again.
Okay, we're now opening betting on the identity of "Anonymous".
Nothing like a bit of rampant McCarthyism to start the year. Who wants to come round and read Miller's The Crucible?
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