home truth

I got an email from a friend last night. He was responding to an email I sent prior to Christmas and I guess I must have been moaning about work/life etc; who knows, I was probably drunk when I sent it but in his response he said: "I never remember you ever saying that you really liked it that much." I didn't pay it any heed but I guess home truths are like that: it's better not to think too hard about them, just file 'em away for later.

I lay back after finishing my poorly worded email to Julio and picked up Brian Greene's The Fabric of the Cosmos. Somehow trying to understand the intricacies of warping spacetime at half-past-twelve at night is a war I can't win, no matter how many Simpson's characters Greene drags out to explain Einstein's theory of general relativity. The book dropped onto my chest and I was fast asleep...

...wobbly spacetime distortion effect...

It was my birthday and my friends and family were throwing me a big big party in the warehouse apartment that was my home (yes one can dream). Everyone was there, throngs of people... wow I didn't realise I had so many friends... and then the speeches began. My mum, close and bestest friends all saying exactly the same thing: I've been on this planet for thirty years now and done jack with it; I've amounted to nothing and by the look of it, I never will. I was ropable. How could people who professed to love me say such awful things? While tears welled in my eyes the merrymaking continued around me, drinking laughing smoking as I sat in the corner feeling sorry for myself, abandoned. As things wound down, people made their excuses and left. The night was young and apparently there was a better party to go to.

Alone now, my appartment seemed to expand and darken and grow colder as I wandered around it.... then my alarm buzzed and I was awake and I knew it was time to get up and get ready for another day at the office.

Funny hey? I'll admit I've spent most of the day thinking about this. The dream's left me with a feeling I can't shake and as a result I feel a little shaken. It's not like it was an epiphany or anything so profound like that, nothing I didn't know before but hey I guess that's why you call it a home truth.