I just wrote what would be a lengthy email to my friend in Chile, in spanish no less, asking him to forgive me for not responding to him sooner, while he writes within days of mine. I've wanted to write back earlier but every time I sit at the computer I just freeze up. There are several emails that are sitting in my inbox, left wanting a reply but I just can't bring myself to ... I don't know, get my thoughts down and send them via the interconnecting fibres that are the internet. I guess that's why this blog has for the last few months become all dusty and cobwebby. Why?

One theory: When I was a kid I was diagnosed with a learning disorder, apparently one side of my brain runs faster than the other. Effectively, as my honours' supervisor said that I have a great ball handling skills but once I get to kick the goal I don't know what to do with the ball. He was one with the football analogies. I think en largesse but I can't seem to get these things down on paper. It'll be a miracle if this even gets posted.

Another theory: I am scared. I can sit in front of a computer for an hour, writing, re writing and then deleting. The voices of my imaginary audience shouting me down: It lacks flow! Your prose is cliched and forced! Why are you even trying? they cry. Writing emails is even worse. I actually know who I am writing to and I can hear their voices, their criticisms of the sad state of being that is yo. As soon as I click that send button, my words are out of control in some madcapped Derrida deconstructuralist nightmare, wreaking their own havoc upon unsuspecting friends.

I am not sure I am making sense.

Theory three: I am fundamentally lazy. Sorry to anyone who never got a response to anything they ever sent me.